


Helpless (Cullenmance Version)

by VendelynSilverhawk



Series: Hamilton: A Fandom Musical Parodies [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton: An American Musical
Genre: Could be read as Lavellan, F/M, meant for trevelyan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 16:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8453155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VendelynSilverhawk/pseuds/VendelynSilverhawk
Summary: A parody of the song "Helpless" from Hamilton: An American Musical. Written for Cullen and a female Inquisitor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Again, written for my little sister, though it was inspired by both of our Cullenmance Trevelyan Inquisitors, Yvain and Wilhemina. This song originally has more lyrics due to mashup refrains that overlap lines, but I simplified it and cut out the longer refrain parts since they're effectively useless background noise when the song is presented as lyrics instead of sung.

[COMPANIONS]

Hey hey hey hey

 

[INQUISITOR]

Ohh, I do I do I do I

Dooo! Hey!

Ohh, I do I do I do I

Dooo! Boy you got me

 

[COMPANIONS]

Hey hey hey hey

Hey hey hey hey

Hey hey hey hey

Hey hey hey

 

[INQUISITOR AND COMPANIONS]

Helpless!

Look into your eyes, and the sky’s the limit I’m helpless!

Down for the count, and I’m drownin’ in ‘em

 

[INQUISITOR]

I have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight

We were on a mission at the palace on a long night

Smilin’ at the nobles as they sweep across the room

Then I saw you and my heart went “Boom!”

Tryin’ to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom

Everybody’s dancin’ and the Game’s top volume

 

[INQUISITOR]

All your suitors scare me so I grab some wine

 

Down a glass and I

Whisper, “No, this

One’s mine.”

 

Oooh

 

A noble made her way across the room to you

And I got nervous, thinking “What’s she gonna do?”

She grabbed you by the arm, I’m thinkin’ “I’m through,”

Then you look at me and suddenly I’m

Helpless!

 

Oh, look at those eyes

 

Oh!

Yeah, I’m

Helpless, I know

 

-down for the count

And I’m drownin’ in ‘em.

 

[CULLEN]

Why are you talking to me?

 

[SUITOR]

You have the most beautiful eyes.

 

[CULLEN]

I’m afraid I’m spoken for.

 

[INQUISITOR]

Cullen? Who are these people?

 

[CULLEN]

Inquisitor!

 

[SUITOR]

Herald.

 

[INQUISITOR]

Not enjoying the company?

 

[CULLEN]

Andraste no. If it takes saving an empress for us to get a moment alone, it’ll be worth it.

 

[SUITOR]

I can see when I’m beaten.

 

[COMPANIONS]

Two hours later

 

[INQUISITOR]

I’m castin’ spells all around me

Now I’m in the gardens and I’m fighting Venatori

Wishin’ you were with me, cuz your suitors got me panicked

 

[SERA]

Really what’s your problem? Wait! It’s ‘cos you’re a romantic.

 

[INQUISITOR]

No!

Three hours later

In the vestibule stressin’

Your blue eyes cold

At the problem we’re addressin’

I’m dying inside, as

We try

To find

An answer that’s not bloody

Because killing isn’t what I want to do

Expose the duchess and it means that we

Are through

I make my choice while thinking you will

Disapprove

But then you kiss my hand and say

“Be true”

So I turn away, smiling, and

Helpless!

 

Helpless!

Hoo!

 

That boy is mine

That boy is mine!

 

Helpless!

Look into your eyes

And the sky’s the

Limit I’m

Helpless!

Down for the count

And I’m drownin’ in

‘em I’m

Helpless!

 

Look into your eyes

And the sky’s the

Limit I’m

Helpless!

Down for the count

And I’m drownin’ in em

 

[CULLEN]

Inquisitor, I don’t have a good deed to my name

An acre of land, a Chantry command, noble blood to claim

All I have’s my honor, a tolerance for pain

A position in your army, and my pain-wracked brain

Insane, your energy brings out a different side of me

You only have eyes for me, but Orlais tried to take a bite of me

So stressed, I’m clingin’ to the edge of your affection

waiting every moment for the sting of your rejection

In my dreams nightmares of torture and my dead friends grow

Lyrium and Kirkwall haunt me, but I guess you know

But I’ll never forget your touch, that was real

And long as you’re alive, my darling, Maker knows that

I will feel so…

 

[repeat refrain]

 

My life is fine as long as you are in it

[INQUISITOR]

I do I do I do I do!

 

I do I do I do I do!

 

Hey, yeah, yeah!

 

I’m down for the count

I’m-

 

Helpless!

 

Down for the count

And I’m drownin’ in ‘em.

 

[COMPANIONS]

She loves you much more than you know…

He loves you much more than you know…

You both love much more than you know…

 

[INQUISITOR AND CULLEN]

Helpless….

**Author's Note:**

> If you're inspired by this in any way and want to use it in another creative work, I'd be delighted, just LET ME KNOW. PLEASE.


End file.
